Gay and out in the Beehive: 'If you can make it in Utah, you can make it anywhere'

By Emma Tippetts

June 24, 2005 | Like most college students, he has walls covered with pictures of family and friends. He works to juggle school and work and most of his meals are microwaveable. But Rayshawn Carr doesn't fit in.

He is black, gay and lives in Utah.

Four years ago, Carr moved from hometown of Cincinnati to Salt Lake City as an openly gay man.

A sliver of Carr's chocolate stomach can be seen between his Silver jeans and a simple, form fitting maroon T-shirt. His well-polished maroon leather boots match perfectly and a newsy-type hat frame his almost permanent smile. Carr loves to talk to people, but not everyone in Utah likes to talk to him.

"When I moved out here," Carr said, "it changed my life in so many ways. I had this notion that Utah is like 'Zion' so everyone was loving, everyone was caring, everyone was understanding, everyone would be welcoming. . . . Boy, was I wrong."

Carr's sexual orientation and race make it hard to gain acceptance in a predominately white, straight, Utah community.

Being one of the few members of his household to graduate high school and move on to college, Carr fights the odds every day. Since moving to Utah, Carr has managed to find a few friends who fight the same battle he does One of them, Rusty Rigby, grew up on a small farm in Idaho and moved to Logan to attend Utah State University. After Rigby accepted his own sexuality, he met Rayshawn while taking a break from school and spending a year in Salt Lake City. Rigby tried for 15 years to suppress his sexual preferences in order to conform to the community expectations

"I had this image of what people in that area thought I had to be and I made sure I fit it no matter what," Rigby said.

The gay community in Utah may be smaller than those of other states, but it is growing. According to the latest analysis from the Census Bureau, 99.3 percent of all counties in the United States are home to at least one same-sex couple. That means all or nearly as of Utah's 29 counties have at least one same-sex couple.

Homosexuality is not a characteristic of California, or an issue for the East Coast. It is here, in Happy Valley .

Just because it is here does not mean it is accepted.

Rigby and Carr have travel outside the state for vacation and to relax from school and work and they both agree that being gay in Utah is harder than anywhere else in the country.

"I'm a strong believer if you can make it in Utah, you can make it anywhere," Carr said.

Carr said living in Utah is worse than anywhere else because people are less confrontational, but more judgmental.

In December 1995, an East High student in Salt Lake City petitioned the school for a gay and lesbian club. On Feb. 20, 1996, the Salt Lake City School Board decided by a 4-3 vote to eliminate all student clubs in order to keep the gay/straight clubs out of the schools.

Three days later, students walked out of school and marched to the capital in protest. That same day, the Utah Senate passed Bill 246, which "prohibits school employees from supporting immoral or illegal conduct."

A legislative backlash of homophobia is sweeping the country, especially Utah . The leaders of our state condemn the actions of homosexuals, telling the public homosexuality is wrong and instilling an attitude of fear. During a public debate in Arizona during the 2004 elections President Bush said, "I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I think it's very important that we protect marriage as an institution between a man and a woman." Bush also said he promoted tolerance but emphasized protecting marriage from homosexuality. Rigby said the problem in Utah is a lot of straight people don't have contact with openly gay people, and so they only hear what people tell them.

The media's increasing portrayal of homosexual couples in popular sitcoms may sometimes be confused with an effort to increase acceptance. The media are not trying to increase acceptance of homosexuality, they are making money.

"I don't think they are helping any," Rigby said. "I think they are capitalizing on the fact that gay entertainment is so huge. I don't think it's becoming more acceptable, it's becoming more entertaining."

Because of the media influence and false impressions of homosexuals, Rigby and Carr have both struggled coming out to their family and friends, because they knew the acceptance they once had as a "normal" kid, would be shattered.

When Carr explained the divide created between himself and his sister, who had a hard time accepting his homosexuality, he no longer had a loud voice, he stopped talking with his hands and his big smile disappeared. Carr's sister is a lesbian and understands what Carr is going through, but she refused to speak with her brother for three months because of the stereotypes she had of gay men and what type of people they were.

"It's a matter of sitting down and talking about it and letting them know that gay people are people. They're not sick, they're not raping your kids, they are just people," Rigby said.

Every day, Carr notices people looking at him differently and whispering about the, "black, gay guy who dresses well" on campus.

Rigby recently ran for diversity vice president at Utah State . Three hours before the election was final, an e-mail was sent from a student affiliated with one of the school clubs through several campus organizations. The e-mail criticized Rigby's character and lifestyle and urged students not to vote for him because he had, "no regard for morality."

Not surprisingly, Rusty did not win position of Diversity Vice President, but now says he doesn't want it anymore.

In an article written by the Utah Statesman Rigby stated, "I was very hurt, very disappointed with Utah State," he said. "I thought that I was let down by Utah State -- I was mostly hurt."

In extreme cases, the lack of acceptance in Utah and across the country is taking innocent lives.

In 1998, Matthew Shepard, a 21-year-old gay college student in Wyoming was beaten, tied to a fence and left for dead on a cold night in October. Shepard was found 18 hours later and rushed to the hospital. He was dead within five days.

"It's scary," Carr said, "You have to watch you back at all times. You never know who those people are out to hurt you."

Carr said the fear of discrimination is worse for those homosexuals who are still not sure, or lack confidence about their sexuality.

"[Gay men] know that they are trying to be themselves, but it is hard," Rigby said, "When you have a hate crime against you for being a girl, or black, you can more easily defend yourself by saying, 'Well I'm a girl and I'm proud of it,' or 'I'm black and I'm proud of it,' Most gay guys cannot say, 'I'm gay and I'm proud of it,'"

When a young person realizes he or she is different, and the difference is not approved of, acceptance is virtually impossible to find in high school. This is why, in the United States , gay and lesbian youth are more likely to miss school, feel unsafe with peers and more likely to commit suicide than their peers.

Acceptance of homosexuality is an issue affecting the entire country, including your own home town. Unfortunately both Rigby and Carr agree that things will get worse before they get better.

"I really think for things to change there will be more Matthew Shepards," Rigby said.

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