Adoption brings joy to those who cannot have children of their own

By Kelli Dodgen

February 1, 2005 | Steve and Tera Sweat made their family complete by adopting four children: Akirra, Jarell, Dawson and Alyssa.

Today, one in five people will be touched forever through the adoption process. Adoption is taking a child legally into someone's family and raising the child as one's own.

The Sweats have become a positive voice for adoption through starting their own company, The Heart of Adoption. They also work with Families Supporting Adoption or FSA, an organization which makes people more aware of the common myths about adoption.

"I think there is a lot of misunderstanding about what adoption is really about," Tera said

Common Myths about adoption is that: a parent does not care about his or her child by giving the child up for adoption; a parent will never know anything about his/her child and the adoptive parents after the child has been given up; adoption is an irresponsible and selfish solution to an unplanned pregnancy; birth parent will eventually forget about the child she/he placed for adoption.

These myths are common misunderstandings. The myths of adoption often instills fear instead of understanding. Breaking these myths can help people understand the true meaning and process of adoption.

"It's hard to talk about what so many people want to keep a secret," Tera said. Adoption doesn't involve the secrecy it used to.

The Sweats have been trying to break the secrets by being involved in FSA. The organization educates adoptive families on the different aspects of raising a child. The community source educates on family dynamics, infertility and first-aid care classes.

More than one-hundred people are on the current e-mail list and come from Idaho and Wyoming to participate in activities and classes sponsored by the FSA. FSA couples get the chance to spend time with other adoptive families.

International families share and become acquainted with those who have similar experiences. The FSA assists with promoting National Adoption Month in November and gives presentations in schools to inform students about the different types of adoption. Students get information about the different options to an unplanned pregnancy. The school presentations include the myths that students may have heard about adoption and goes through what the experience of placing a child for adoption would be like.

A myth about open adoption is that the child is not involved, and that the open contact is just for the adults. A clear goal for open adoption is to help care for the child's needs though the information provided about the birth parents. Open adoption has helped bridge the gap between the information available about the birth and the adoptive parents.

Tera said open adoption has been healthy for her children and their birth mothers because it has filled the empty space that so many children have without knowing any information about their birth families.

Open adoption provides direct interaction between birth and adoptive families. Through open adoption, birth parents have the comfort of knowing their child's well-being, and have the sense of control over the decision
making in placement.

The birth parent or parents have the potential to develop a healthy relationship while the child grows and has a more defined role in their life. The adoptive parents, with open adoption, have more information on the child's history and a possible relationship with the birth family. The adoptive parents develop less fear of the birth parents reclaiming the child because often in open adoption, they know the parent and their wishes.

Semi-open adoptions share genetic and birth histories only when the relationship is shared with the adopted child. The birth parents are "real" not "fantasy" and positive adjustments are encouraged for the adopted child.

The Sweats have contact with three of the four birth mothers of their children. The birth families are proud of their children and love to see the child progress in life by attending dance recitals and other events.

They can also personalize with how the child resembles how they look, their personalities and other features.

With open adoption setting boundaries is important, Tera says, because you need boundaries to let both sets of families heal and become accustomed to the change in their lives.

"It was a spiritual experience, knowing that the birth mothers were working together towards the same goal for the benefit of the children," Tera said.

With adoption, parents gets to share in the gift of having children as they experience the joys and worries of raising a child.

"Steve and I wouldn't have had any children if not for the miracle of
adoption," Tera said.

One way the Sweats express their adoptioin experience is through music, their recent CD, "I Gave you More," written by Tera and Steve Sweat, is dedicated to their birth mothers and to each of their children, who have taught them about love, sacrifice, selflessness, and charity. The song goes like this:

In my arms I hold a new born child, life's choices can be tough, Such sorrow I have never known, will my faith be strong enough? Just remember..... I didn"t give you up.... I gave you more..

Parents in The Heart of Adoption can look at cards, scrapbooks, books and music about adoption.

The Sweat family is currently in the process of illustrating a children's book about adoption. Through understanding and knowing about the myths of adoption, people can have a more positive and open mind about adoption and how it brings such happiness and fulfillment to people's lives who are unable to have children of their own.

Adoption is just one way that a single parent, couples or married couples can open and share their lives with children who are in need of a person or family who can provide for them.

"We can't thank their birth mothers enough for giving them the gift of a child. The birth mothers in return gives the same amount of gratitude," Tera said.

For more information visit The Heart of Adoption at www.heartofadoption.com

MS
DN