Brides-to-be helping pick out their own engagement rings

By Tamber Weston

December 10, 2004 | Spring semester 2004, sophomore Desi Nyborg, 19, had only one goal: to get a date with Jarom Burbank.

As student ambassadors of Utah State University the two were acquaintances, but when Nyborg learned that Burbank, 24, was the president of the Latter-day Saint Student Association (an LDS Institute of Religion service group) she said she "wanted to get to know him better."

She sent Burbank an e-mail asking him how she could get involved with LDSSA. Nyborg joined the group in August 2003, but by April, Burbank had yet to ask her out.

On the Monday before finals started Nyborg took matters into her own hands.

"I asked him out," she said.

From the very first, Desi knew what she wanted. She wanted to meet Burbank. She wanted to date him. And when she learned how much she loved him it’s not surprising she wanted to get engaged. Or that she wanted to help pick her own ring.

Thirty years ago it may not have been that common for the girl to go ring shopping with the guy but Rick Thomas, co-owner of Stephanies Diamonds in Logan said, "Now almost exclusively couples come in together."
Thomas began working in his family’s business, Thomas Jewelers, 32 years ago and now co-owns Stephanies Diamonds with his wife Stephanie Thomas. He credits the change in ring shopping to changing societal norms.
"Women have an awful lot more say than they once had," said Thomas. "Women realize the ring is for her and totally for her and she wants a say in what it looks like."

Burbank said it would have been fun to surprise Nyborg with a ring, but he wanted her to "genuinely love it." He knew that would only happen if she helped him pick it out.

"It’s something she’ll have on every day for the rest of her life," he said. "It’s not like buying her a shirt she can put in a drawer if she doesn’t like it."

On Burbank and Nyborg’s first date there was no talk of rings, but Nyborg remembers thinking, "I want to marry someone just like him."

"He met my parents on the second date and then he asked me out."

The next week they kissed. After that nothing could separate them—not even the 450 miles between their summer destinations.

Burbank lived at home in Logan with his parents, and Nyborg spent the summer working in Las Vegas while living with her mother. Seldom more than 10 days would pass before one would make the seven-hour drive to see the other.

"The first time [I made the drive] I was thinking, ‘What am I doing?’" said Burbank. "Making that drive implied some potentially big things."

Despite the commitment involved, Burbank said he "just couldn’t get there fast enough." Hence his $232 speeding ticket for driving 97 mph in a 75 mph zone just south of Nephi.

Between visits, the two exchanged e-mails, text messages and nightly phone conversations.

"The longest one [phone call] was five hours," said Nyborg. "They usually averaged more around two and a half to three [hours] per night."

During this time, thoughts of marriage prompted Nyborg to look at engagement rings. She first looked in Las Vegas, and when she returned to Logan for school she looked at Stephanies Diamonds. She found a setting she wanted there but when Burbank wanted to take her ring shopping they went to S.E. Needham Jewelers. The couple spent an hour there and during that time Nyborg found another ring she wanted. But when she saw the ring at Stephanies again she knew it was the one. Just to make sure, the couple visited diamond stores in the mall. The experience confirmed her conviction about the ring at Stephanies.

The couple spent more than 10 hours during one week to make the decision.

"By the end, I was so sick of looking at rings," Nyborg said.

Burbank said, "It didn’t take me until the end to be sick of it." But he says it was worth it because "she loves it."

He said he was looking for "whatever made her happy."

Nyborg’s ring was picked, and her wedding day was set for Dec.18. Now all she needed was a proposal.

Burbank told Nyborg he didn’t want a long engagement.

"Once, while we were driving, he told me he was going to wait until around Oct. 15 to ask me, and I just started to cry," Nyborg recounts. "We knew we were going to get married, so why wait to spread the good news?"

Then on Sept. 6, Labor Day, Burbank took Nyborg on a romantic date—too romantic for an ordinary date.

"I thought, he’s going to have to do something amazing when he proposes, to top this," Nyborg recalls.
After a moonlit picnic on USU’s Old Main Hill, Burbank held Nyborg close and sang Eric Clapton’s "Tears in Heaven."

"He has such a beautiful voice," said Nyborg.

Later while looking at Logan’s LDS Temple, where young Latter-day Saints often marry, Burbank professed his love to Nyborg.

"He was romancing me and told me he wanted to be with me forever," Nyborg recalls. "Then he got down on one knee and put his hand in his pocket."

Nyborg thought he was joking and would soon pull out his cell phone, but when he produced a sparkling diamond ring from Stephanies, Nyborg knew he meant business.

Nyborg said Burbank told her he was waiting until October to propose because "he didn’t want me to be expecting it every time we went out."

After Burbank’s proposal, Nyborg responded with an "absolutely." The couple returned to Burbank’s car— picnic supplies in hand and diamond ring on finger. Burbank suggested they put the picnic items in the trunk of his car. Nyborg thought it unusual but went along. Inside the trunk were two dozen red roses for the future Mrs. Jarom Burbank.

The two spent the night sharing the news with friends and family and showing off her new diamond-studded accessory.

The following mornings, as her alarm clock sounded, Nyborg would examine her left hand.

"I was like, ‘Good, it’s still there,’" she said.

When searching for the ring Nyborg was mostly concerned with finding the right setting. After she did that, Burbank went back to Stephanies to pick out the exact diamond and negotiate costs.

"It’s a ton of money," Burbank said.

Despite the final cost of the ring, Burbank feels lucky. He is neighbors with Stephanies’ owners and said Thomas gave him a "great deal."

Burbank paid $1,840 for Nyborg’s ring but said the ring is valued at twice that cost.

Thomas said it is often difficult for men to understand "why something so small is worth so much."

Men are not alone, many people are confused about how diamonds are priced. Adiamondisforever.com compares determining the price of a diamond to determining the price of a house.

"A real estate agent can’t quote you a price for a house without knowing its size, condition, location, etc. This process is the same one used when buying a diamond," it states. "A diamond’s beauty, rarity, and price depend on the interplay of all the 4Cs—cut, clarity, carat, and color. Diamonds with the combination of the highest 4C ratings are more rare and, consequently, more expensive."

Before the purchase Burbank and Nyborg only talked about the cost in general and it was not until after the two were engaged that Nyborg asked Burbank about the exact cost.

"It’s not a good thing to mortgage your future [for a ring]," Thomas advises. "It’s a symbol of love, but it’s a thing and it shouldn’t take precedence."

Thomas also warns that jewelry is a "blind item."

"A guy doesn’t know the difference between a CZ (cubic zirconium) and a diamond," commented Thomas. "They need to research to make sure they’re getting what they think they’re getting."

Adiamondisforever.com advises, "To find a jeweler you can trust, ask your family and friends for recommendations. Your jeweler should be knowledgeable about diamonds and help you feel comfortable making this important purchase. If you are unaware of a jeweler in your area, it may be helpful to contact the Jewelers of America (800-223-0673) or the American Gem Society (800-341-6214) for a recommendation."

Once credibility is established, Thomas said it is important to note if "when she looks at the diamond, is she smiling?"

Nyborg says (with a smile) the thing she loves most about her ring is that "it’s very ‘diamondy.’"

The size 5.25, white-gold ring contains 25 diamonds—20 small rounds, four baguettes, and the center diamond. The stones add up to a total carat weight of 1.04.

The center stone accounts for more than half the weight and is a nearly colorless, well-cut round stone. That means the proportions of the diamond create the ideal balance for reflecting light, thus sparkling more.
Nyborg originally planned on getting a princess-cut (square) diamond but after picking out her setting and seeing what it looked like with a princess-cut diamond she changed her mind. And that’s not the only thing she changed her mind about.

She originally planned to wear her engagement ring alone but now wants an accompanying wedding band with, you guessed it, more diamonds.

With the wedding less than two weeks away Nyborg and Burbank agree that the thing they look forward to most is "not having to say goodnight."

In the future Nyborg looks forward to more diamonds, in the form of anniversary and mother’s rings.

"I want a ring with a diamond for each child," said Nyborg.

Chances are she’ll get her diamond rings and chances are, she’ll help pick them out too.

The 4Cs according to adiamondisforever.com:

• Cut refers to the angles and proportions of a diamond. It is the only one of the 4Cs that is influenced by the human hand. The rest (color, clarity, carat) are created naturally as diamonds form in the earth. The facets, when arranged in precise proportions, will maximize brilliance and sparkle. To cut a diamond perfectly, a craftsman will often need to cut away more than 50 percent of the rough diamond. Cut also refers to the shape of a diamond—round, marquise, pear, or heart for example. Since a round diamond is symmetrical and capable of reflecting nearly all the light that enters, it is the most brilliant of all diamond shapes. Non-round shapes are sometimes called "fancy shapes."
  
• Color refers to the degree to which a diamond is colorless. Diamonds range in color from icy winter whites to warm summer whites. Diamonds are graded on a color scale established by the Gemological Institute of America (GIA) which ranges from D (colorless) to Z. Colors are graded under controlled lighting conditions and are compared to a master set for accuracy. Diamonds can also be found in fancy colors. These include pink, blue, green, yellow, brown, orange and very rarely, red. These colors are particularly rare and very valuable.
  
• Carat is often confused with size even though it is actually a measure of weight. Larger diamonds are found relatively infrequently in nature and are therefore more valuable. Fewer than one percent of women will ever own a diamond of a carat or more. Since larger diamonds are found less frequently in nature, a 1-carat diamond will cost much more than twice as much as a 1/2-carat diamond, assuming color, clarity and cut remain constant.
  
• Clarity refers to the presence of inclusions in a diamond. When light enters a diamond, it is reflected and refracted out. If there is anything disrupting the flow of light in the diamond, such as an inclusion, a proportion of light will be lost. Inclusions, which are sometimes referred to as "nature's fingerprints," are usually not visible to the naked eye unless magnified. Inclusions are natural identifying characteristics such as minerals or fractures, appearing while diamonds are formed in the earth. They may look like crystals, clouds or feathers. Inclusions are ranked on a scale of perfection, known as clarity, which was established by the GIA. The clarity scale, ranging from FL (Flawless) to Included (I), is based on the visibility of inclusions at a magnification of 10x.

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