Life after 'make-out mishaps' -- how to appreciate your embarrassing moments

By Trisha Taggart

December 20, 2005 | Granny panties can be defined as fluffy underpants that cover the entire derriere from cheek to cheek. At times they can be purchased with a friendly print, making the underpants stylish, even sporty.

Granny panties can be classified under many different types of categories that suit almost any women. But according to my wise friend Shane Russell, fellow Utah State student, they are a pretty big turnoff. I personally never realized that the traumatizing image of granny panties could be burned into a boy's mind until Shane enlightened me of a case that not only traumatized him, but also made it possible for me to specify what I like to call, "a pre-make-out mishap."

Shane had picked up his blind date for the evening and ventured around town hitting up dinner spots and movie stores. The date had presumably gone well therefore he thought there was a good chance for a little kissy-kissy toward the end of the night.

Allow me to paint a picture for you. Shane and his female friend arrived back at his home and got quite comfy on the luv-sac in the front room. As the movie was about to start, the female friend asked Shane if he wanted something to drink. In fair reply he said, "Sure." That is when it happened, a devastating moment in dating history -- as the friend leaned up to push herself off the luv-sac her shirt slightly moved up and there they were, a large ball of wrinkled granny panties poofing out of the top of her pants!

"My first impression was ewwww..." Shane said after telling me the story. When asked if he surpassed the image of the panties and went for the make-out instead he said, "When she came back with the drinks I sat there with a smile one my face like I had not noticed anything. She sat down and placed her leg on me and moved in for a kiss. I was fine until I caught wind of her breath. It smelled so bad that I picked up her leg and pushed it away. I never called her back."

Is something as simple as a "pre make-out mishap" enough to ruin all chances of any kind of relationship? In Shane's case it appeared to be so. The trauma he had apparently gone through was too much to handle. Don't let this story make you think that any embarrassing mishap that could possibly ever happen in the future will ruin any new relationship. So jump out of your empty grave and smile because I have good news. I managed to encounter a friend with a good outcome.

"It is possible to recover in a mishap situatation," stated Kaylee Bullock, a student at Utah State, "it just takes a minute to recover." Kaylee had been dating a guy for a few months and things were going delightfully well. That is, until an unfortunate circumstance occurred. This circumstance is what I like to call, "the mid-make-out mishap." Kaylee and her special friend were having a typical night hanging out enjoying one another's company when things barely started to heat up. In other words, the make-out session had begun. It was of course a level one make out session where the hands remain very distant and only lip locking occurs. Then it happened, the mid make-out mishap was about to occur. The special friend decided to arise to from the couch for a bit of agua when he so gently pressed upon Kaylee's abdomen to assist his upward departure. In doing the abdomen press there was a bit of an explosion.

"There was a blast from the behind that was so loud; there was no way that it could be mistaken as any other noise other than pure flatulence," she said, "and my face had the look of humiliation."

Lucky for Kaylee her odds were because the gentleman paused and began to laugh. She said they both laughed hysterically non-stop for over an hour.

"In my situation it was incredibly embarrassing but the guy I was with just laughed it off and we became closer friends because of it," she said.

As Kaylee stated above it is possible to recover from such a traumatic event. However, this anecdote does not have your typical story book ending. Life is not all about Care Bears and fluffy clouds poofing about. Bad things happen to good people! The next perfect example of a mishap takes quite the turn because the main character of the story is yours truly.

I am typically not the spur of the moment make-out kind. However, there are a was a moment when I can honestly say my mace spray was weak, in which I locked lips and played tongue hockey for a small time (hands clear in all zones). The aftermath however, was not as cuddly and sweet as I had heard other couples talk about discuss. Somehow during our cuddle action, I became the back side of the cuddle "spoon". (For anyone who is not familiar with what "spooning" is, just imagine yourselves lying on the ground and wrapping your body around the side of a fire hydrant. Get the picture?) Then much to my detriment, all hell broke loose. This now moves me to my last level of mishap concern, "the post make-out mishap."

The hell that broke loose was my friend parked in front of me sleeping away. As he slept, he managed to release the biggest ghastly explosion I have ever witnessed. It was like a machine gun that would never run out of bullets for crying out loud! The force of the fumes was so intense that I could feel the warm air seep through my jeans. I went into a panic mode desperately trying to find a breath of fresh air but my arm was stuck at my side beneath my body so I could not reach my head to the couch pillow for a gas mask. I could not move! I thought about leaving but I was worried I would awaken the machine gun if he hadn't already awoken himself. My judgment was poor because before I could do anything another round was locked and loaded breezin' even worse than before. At that very moment I arose and left immediately nostrils burning and all, never to return.

I understand that this story provides no hope for saving a relationship, but honestly, place yourself in my situation. I was thrown into the gas chamber of Hell! Although my case appeared to be a dead end, know to never give up on your special friend.

Devastating things do occur during special make-out times that can cause problems within relationships. The only advice I can provide is to laugh about embarrassing circumstances rather than staring at your special friend with a deadly look of disgust. Situations occur creating weird moments! Laugh about them and discuss them later. They obviously create great stories. As for those of you who have don't have issues with mishaps during the kissing sessions but more specifically with the kiss, I recommend that you visit Bad Kissers. Have fun and remember to appreciate the embarrassing moments!

NW
MS